Love at First Sight?

I did not fall instantly in love with my son the second I set eyes on him.

Krew was, for all intents and purposes, a stranger to me, and I was uncomfortable handling him despite having carried him for his whole life. The night he was born I was shaky from labour and could not hold him for more than a few minutes. Kevin, however, demonstrated his paternal nature from the start: He learned how to diaper, feed, and handle Krew while I was being sewn up. He also stepped up that first night by getting up to feed Krew at a time when I felt incapable of even picking him up without help.

Watching Kevin with our son made my heart ache; especially considering how ambivalent I was feeling at the time. When the next feeding rolled around, I gave it a try. The sleep had restored some of my energy, and my IV was disconnected so I didn't have to worry about tangled tubes. Picking him up for the first time scared me. He was trusting me to care for him and take care of his needs, regardless of whether or not I was physically or emotionally able. His vulnerability and faith terrified me, but it was also encouraging.

He taught me to love him with each interaction, and he continues to do so still. The way he watches me while I feed him makes me feel like he knows who I am and that it's ok if it took me entirely too long to get his bottle ready. Or that he wanted his diaper changed or that he just wanted to cuddle for a while. I know he recognizes my voice already, and I feel incredibly priviledged to know how to soothe him when he is outraged. He makes me feel like everything is going to be all right when he burrows his head into my neck or falls asleep on my chest.

I did not fall instantly in love with my son the second I set eyes on him, but the love that I feel for him now is more fierce than I had ever expected for only having known him for a few days. I guess I just had to get to know him first.